


25 Times I tried to Kill Erwin Smith

by xypeilo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Comedy, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2017-05-23
Packaged: 2018-09-09 15:34:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8897422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xypeilo/pseuds/xypeilo
Summary: Levi was hired to kill Erwin Smith. Underestimating this man's capabilities, he finds himself in quite a predicament.





	1. First Attempt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MaoFrost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaoFrost/gifts).



> Okay, I'll stop deleting this. I'm sorry. 
> 
> -
> 
> I highly recommend you listen to Angry Elephants by Junkie XL while you read. That's what inspired this scene.  
> ENJOY.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas MaoFrost! ♥

Levi follows Erwin from a distance on his motorcycle, weaving smoothly between cars. He leans in lower as he gradually speeds up, trying to guesstimate an appropriate distance between them so he doesn't rouse suspicion. Traffic on the freeway is sparse tonight, which makes it easier for him to shoot the damn blond and escape without running into trouble.

The hitman readies his pistol as he inches closer. Erwin doesn't seem to find anything suspicious--he's driving at a consistent speed. I'm getting paid half a million dollars to do child's play? Levi grumbles in his head. This has to be a joke.

 _"I want this motherfucker_ dead _, Ackerman--you hear me?" Kit Woerman slammed his fist against his mahogany desk on the word 'dead', spraying spit all over the place as he passionately expressed how much he hated this Erwin Smith. This wasn't the first time Levi heard of this guy--Erwin has quite a reputation for pissing people off. He's a thief--and a very good one apparently. He's stolen priceless jewels and heirlooms from people Levi wouldn't dare to mess with. "I want a bullet between those godforsaken eyebrows and I want to wake up in the morning to the sound of the news announcing the fucking prick's death. **Kill. Erwin. Smith.** "_

 _Easy enough,_ Levi thinks to himself. He makes sure he's in the lane next to Erwin's and speeds up a little until he's diagonal from him. This part of the freeway has very few street lights, making Levi almost invisible. He slowly creeps up until he can vaguely see Erwin through the backseat window. The blonde is nodding his head in rhythm to some kind of fast beat music that was loud enough to be heard from the outside.

Levi gets a little closer. He's right next to the passenger door now, and quickly glances at the blonde through his helmet. Erwin is obviously distracted, singing and swaying his head side to side. There's no way he'd notice Levi now. Too fucking easy. In one swift motion, Levi extends his arm and aims his pistol at the blonde. Right then and there, Erwin turns his head to look at Levi, and winks. He abruptly stops his car, making Levi miss his shot and speed far ahead of him while Erwin takes the exit and disappears.

"Tch. Son of a bitch." Levi mutters, and decides to give up for now to avoid bringing any more attention.


	2. Second Attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Feeling Good" - Michael Buble

_“Birds flying high, you know how I feel…”_

Erwin stands up straight in front of the mirror and takes a good look at himself while he sings. He moves his head side to side to make sure his hair was perfect, combing a few spots back. He attaches his cufflinks and adjusts his tie. While he slips on his suit jacket, he hears faint noises outside of the bathroom. Smiling to himself, he turns on the shower and takes out one of his brass knuckles from his pocket. He leans against the sink and continues to sing as he waits.

_“Breeze driftin’ on byyy…”_

 

 _Room 234. Room 234._ Levi hugs the wall leading up to room 234 at the end of the hall, pistol clutched tightly with both hands. Carefully, he rests his ear against the door of the room, and listens--there's absolute silence. Is Erwin sleeping? Waiting? Levi contemplates on kicking the door open or picking the lock, to which he resides to the quieter approach.

He opens the door carefully, finding himself in a dim empty room. He suddenly aims his gun towards the bathroom when he hears a faint clatter. _Is he taking a shower?_ Levi wonders, putting his ear against the bathroom door. He hears the shower running and someone singing. I'll definitely kill him this time. He won't even have the slightest chance to escape.

After getting reprimanded and lectured for hours by Woerman for failing miserably like the rest of the hitmen he's hired, he sent Levi out again for one last chance--cutting his pay, of course. But Levi doesn't care about the money anymore--he never fails his assignments. Failing to kill Erwin the first time already butchers his pride and his reputation. He wasn't going to have some pathetic thief ruin his life. This time, for _sure_ , he was going to kill Erwin Smith.

Levi opens the door carefully and peaks his head through--he can barely make out the shower through the thick fog. Suddenly, Levi hears the voice again--but behind him.

_“...it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new liiiife...”_

Levi whips his head around and finds the blonde towering over him, smiling at him with wide eyes. Before the brunet could react, Erwin swings a hard left hook into his cheek and he immediately knocks out.

Erwin picks up his limp body with ease and lays Levi down on the bed. He smirks at the tiny hitman and caresses the spot he hit. _He’s cute_ , Erwin thinks. A persistent little guy--killing him would lose the fun. Erwin decides he’d play with him just a little longer. He buttons up his jacket and struts out of the hotel room as he continues to sing.

_“...and I’m feelin’ goooood~”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the second chapter--maybe nsfw stuff later.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don’t care what the story is – if the price is right a bullet goes through the target’s head. The client is happy and I get my money. I don’t care how dirty the cash is. I’m trying to survive out here like everybody else, and if it means that I have to bend rules then I don’t give a fuck whose feelings I’m hurting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from the dead my dudes.

“You’re fired.” Woerman crosses his arms and his legs, staring at Levi disappointedly. “I found someone better to get the job done.”

Levi smirks, suddenly wincing at the pain in the left side of his face. “I don’t care. I’m going after him anyway – he made a big mistake keeping me alive.”

“Stay out of my hitman's way, Ackerman. Your job here is done – if you interfere then I lose more money. I spent a pretty penny on Zacharias.”

“Tch. That’s your problem.” Levi gets up and heads for the door. “That beanstalk with a bowlcut is a joke and he ripped you off. Anyway, I’m going. I’m getting Erwin first.”

Kit Woerman shoots up from his seat and points a heated finger at him. “I’m warning you Levi, don’t get in my way!”

-

Levi pulls the key out the ignition of his motorcycle and slips out of his helmet. He trudges to his studio apartment, nearly falling asleep in the elevator. The wound on his face is tender and frequently pulsates with pain. Erwin knew he was after him in the hotel – he sure as hell isn’t easy to kill. The blonde is a lot smarter than Levi thought. But if really he is that smart, he wouldn’t have kept Levi alive.

 _I may have failed twice,_ Levi thinks to himself. _But they say the third time’s a charm and I’m putting a bullet between his eyes as soon as I see him._

Levi’s swollen cheek sudden stings and he groans in pain. The elevator slides open and he quickly gets to his door, thinking of nothing but that sweet bottle of Ibuprofen waiting for him in the bathroom cabinet. He finally gets in and carefully rushes towards the bathroom in the dark studio, tripping over the papers scattered all over the place. Levi makes a small mental note to skin his stupid cat for making a mess again.

He flicks the light on and rummages through the mirror cabinet above the sink, but the pill bottle is nowhere to be found.

 _I could have sworn I left them in here…_ Levi thinks, furrowing his brows. He checks each shelf again to make sure but it still wasn’t there. Annoyed, he lets out a rough sigh and slams the mirror cabinet shut – and that’s where his heart suddenly drops.

Through the mirror Levi sees a familiar face smirking behind him. The brunet’s eyes widen and he spins around, gripping the sink behind him for his dear life. He doesn’t have his pocket knife on him – not even pen, which could do some serious damage. Calculating the distance between him and Erwin, he won’t be able to pull a MacGyver move on him. Levi was _fucked_. Erwin reveals the bottle of Ibuprofen Levi had been looking for and tosses it back and forth in his hands teasingly.

“Looking for these? I left a pretty bad mark, didn’t I?” Erwin protrudes his bottom lip, pretending to look sorry. “You’ll forgive me won’t you?”

Levi clenches his teeth and charges after him. “You bastard–”

Erwin easily maneuvers around him, grabbing the back of his neck and pushing it against the wall behind him. The wounded side of Levi’s face is pressed against the wall tightly, making him completely immobile. The blond clicks his tongue playfully and shakes his head.

“Easy there, wouldn’t want to make that pretty face worst now,” With his free hand Erwin entwines his fingers in Levi’s hair and pushes his face harder against the wall, making him gasp in pain. “... _do we?_ ”

“Fuck you–” Levi chokes on his saliva, trying to push against the blond’s grip. ”What the fuck do you want from me?”

“Feisty one, aren’t you?” Erwin grins. He pulls Levi away from the wall and drags him out of the bathroom by his collar. “I’m gonna ask you some questions and you’re gonna answer, _capisce_?”

As he pulls out a chair and practically throws Levi on it, the brunet spits at him – marking his black suit. “Fuck you, I’m not telling you _shit_.”

Without reacting, Erwin pulls out a pocket knife from his back pocket and drives it straight down the middle of Levi’s thigh. The small brunet suddenly screams bloody murder and falls sideways onto the floor while he grips his leg tightly.

“ _You fucking monster!_ ” he screeches, almost breaking into a sob. “ _What the fuck is wrong with you?_ ”

“Many things. Now, you’re going to answer my questions or I’m going to cut off your toes and your fingers one by one. And if you still don’t comply I’m gonna move onto your limbs until you’re nothing but a useless looking tree stump – so you can play silent and beg to die all you want. I’m a very patient man and I have all the time in the world. So what’s it going to be, _Ackerman_?”

Levi bit down his pain as Erwin stared at him dead in the eyes. There was no way he was bluffing, Levi heard tons stories about him. Erwin wasn’t just a thief – he was something much more sinister.

“I-I’ll talk.”

“Good!” Erwin picks him and places him back on the chair. He quickly pulls out the knife from his leg, earning a painful groan from Levi. “Misbehave and you’ll lose your eye next.”

The brunet gulps and sits up straight, trying to ignore the bleeding wound on his leg. _What the fuck does he want from me?_ Erwin pulls out another chair and sits in front of Levi, his knife waiting patiently in his hand. He gives him a friendly smile while Levi glares back at him.

“Who sent you?” he asks in a polite voice.

“Kit Woerman.” Levi replies almost immediately.

“Ah, Kit. I stole a great sum of money from that guy. Pretty easy too – using passwords like ‘1-2-3-4’ as the code for his safe.”

“He was saving that for his son – he has a rare form of cancer.”

Erwin furrows his brows and leans in closer. “Woerman milked all that cash in the safe from a family who could barely feed themselves – all because they accidentally tapped the bumper of his _Tesla_. Really, Levi? Are you that low of a hitman? Do you kill women and children too?”

“I don’t care what the story is – if the price is right a bullet goes through the target’s head. The client is happy and I get my money. I don’t care how dirty the cash is. I’m trying to survive out here like everybody else, and if it means that I have to bend rules then I don’t give a fuck whose feelings I’m hurting.”

Erwin sits up straight and makes a face between sadness and disappointment while staring straight into Levi’s eyes. In a quiet voice he asks, “So who’s the _monster_ now?”


End file.
